Okay! So for any of you looking to start the process of transitioning it can be a little overwhelming. Between finding out what you need to get done in order to get others done and what all you want from the experience. First, what do you want? Only you know exactly what you want from the experience. I suggest to look for therapists first. There are rules for all different states but most of the time it is going to begin with a therapist and a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Crazy right? Make sure that you look into several therapists before you decide on one and do your research. There are many therapists that specialized in helping transgenders and are willing to work with you and your partner. While you are looking for your therapist begin to look for a surgeon. Again, research is very important. Not every surgeon performs gender surgeries so look online. Look for pictures and reviews, when you call to schedule a consultation make sure to take in account the attitude of the office, and try to have a support person with you. There will be measurements taken which can be stressful and embarrassing. Those are the first two steps. To talk with a therapist and to look into surgeons. Now we like to plan ahead and be prepared so we have done a little more research into the process. You need to make you that you know the risks and the benefits of the hormones and the surgeries. Check out what your insurance covers. Our insurance does not cover sessions with the therapist, the surgery, or the hormones so financial preparation is important. There are grants and loans that are available for the surgeries its just a matter of finding what is available in your area. Unfortunately for the therapist and the hormones we have yet to find help for those and are paying out of pocket at the moment. Tyson will explain the appointment process, i’m just here for those of you that like to plan ahead and who are also a little controlling and like to know what to expect. There are going to be a lot of different steps and many will be done at the same time. In our experience we went to the consultation and found out what he needed and went tot the therapists to start the process for the HRT letter. (hormone replacement therapy) We are now looking into a surgeon and scheduling a consultation due to not feeling completely comfortable with the first surgeon.
All of this can seem overwhelming. You can do this. I’m hoping we can break it up into a few steps at a time and if anyone has transitioned before and has advice don’t be shy. As i’ve said, we are not professionals and living this day to day. Always be kind- T.
Above is a link for Transgender Standards of Care. Please read it.
Six-year-old ‘Phoebe’s’ first fantasy auto-biography. A gruesomely slow-moving 7 page tale about a princess who wants to become a knight. It is so slow moving that I will summarize for you.
The Tale- a princess asks her royal parents to be a knight, they say it is not possible because she does not have a horse and this mystery “thing” the queen references. The princess slays a dragon- still a no go on the man-o. The princess ponders what this “thing” is and eventually her hair falls out and the story abruptly ends.
The Reality- a six-year-old chubby tomboy can’t figure out why she…is a she.
So my 6 year old self was honest with herself in one area. See Figure 1.
“Babe, I think it’s time I become a man.” Those are not the words that you expect to hear from your partner as you are sleepily rolling over in bed. Luckily mine happened in the middle of the day as I was unloading groceries but I have heard others stories. Tyson and I have lived the last three years as a lesbian couple. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter and two fur babies. We have full time jobs and I’m currently in school. When your partner drops the “man bomb” on you it can be completely surprising or more of a “it’s about time” kind of moment. From the time I met Ty I knew that he felt like a man trapped in a females body and I assumed that a transition would be in our future so when the bomb dropped I was not surprised. Now, just because I wasn’t surprised doesn’t mean I was able to escape the full spectrum of emotion that hit me. “How will I identify myself”, “will he still want me as a partner”, “is he unhappy with me and our life together”, “how the hell do I show him I support him”…you get the picture. My initial instinct was to just say that I supported whatever he wanted and agree to pretty much everything that came out of his mouth for awhile (thank goodness we weren’t next to a pet store). I quickly realized that this was not the best approach to this situation because just saying yes wasn’t going to answer the questions that I had. As a partner to a transgender it is completely okay to feel every emotion. I knew I wanted him happy above all else but I also know that I needed to think about my happiness as well. That’s when we actually talked about the transition. I opened up and shared all of my irrational but valid fears, excitement, questions, and support. We talked about the possibility of the relationship being unsuccessful and how I truly felt about the transition as well as him. Surprisingly, they weren’t that different of feelings. We both wanted to be happy as individuals as well as a couple. The absolute biggest thing I can stress is honesty. Without honesty the relationship is doomed. This is going to be an incredibly emotional time for the both of you and it’s a time that requires love, support, and honesty. Don’t be afraid to express yourself because your partner let their guard down to tell you how they truly felt and what they wanted. Support that and be honest. If you do not believe you can be with them as a transgender I can guarantee they have thought about that option, so be honest. Be honest with yourself and love yourself and your partner enough.
Always be kind – T
My name is Tessa and I am the partner of a FTM transgender. My partner and I have been together for three years and we have recently started the journey of transitioning. In the process of looking for information on the transition we realized the information out there is limited and even more so for their partners. We decided to start this blog to provide information and support through our journey. My partner and I will both post on this blog with our own experiences, perspectives, and advice. We are not professionals and the information that is available here is simply that that we have acquired through personal research or experience. Today was the first day that we met with the therapist to begin the process, so anyone that reads this is beginning the process with us. I know blogging can seem silly, vain, or dumb (I used to be such person that thought this) but this is a way for us to express ourselves while hopefully helping at least one person. Transitioning is not an easy decision and if you are in the process of transitioning, have already transitioned, or thinking about transitioning just know that you are not alone.
Always be kind- T