“Babe, I think it’s time I become a man.” Those are not the words that you expect to hear from your partner as you are sleepily rolling over in bed. Luckily mine happened in the middle of the day as I was unloading groceries but I have heard others stories. Tyson and I have lived the last three years as a lesbian couple. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter and two fur babies. We have full time jobs and I’m currently in school. When your partner drops the “man bomb” on you it can be completely surprising or more of a “it’s about time” kind of moment. From the time I met Ty I knew that he felt like a man trapped in a females body and I assumed that a transition would be in our future so when the bomb dropped I was not surprised. Now, just because I wasn’t surprised doesn’t mean I was able to escape the full spectrum of emotion that hit me. “How will I identify myself”, “will he still want me as a partner”, “is he unhappy with me and our life together”, “how the hell do I show him I support him”…you get the picture. My initial instinct was to just say that I supported whatever he wanted and agree to pretty much everything that came out of his mouth for awhile (thank goodness we weren’t next to a pet store). I quickly realized that this was not the best approach to this situation because just saying yes wasn’t going to answer the questions that I had. As a partner to a transgender it is completely okay to feel every emotion. I knew I wanted him happy above all else but I also know that I needed to think about my happiness as well. That’s when we actually talked about the transition. I opened up and shared all of my irrational but valid fears, excitement, questions, and support. We talked about the possibility of the relationship being unsuccessful and how I truly felt about the transition as well as him. Surprisingly, they weren’t that different of feelings. We both wanted to be happy as individuals as well as a couple. The absolute biggest thing I can stress is honesty. Without honesty the relationship is doomed. This is going to be an incredibly emotional time for the both of you and it’s a time that requires love, support, and honesty. Don’t be afraid to express yourself because your partner let their guard down to tell you how they truly felt and what they wanted. Support that and be honest. If you do not believe you can be with them as a transgender I can guarantee they have thought about that option, so be honest. Be honest with yourself and love yourself and your partner enough.
Always be kind – T